Nostalgia can be a wonderful feeling, encompassing in warmth and longing but we can't allow it to ensnare us. Things come and go, people change, and life itself progresses, so while we can't go back, we can hold onto souvenirs to remind us of the good times and yet we must be careful as we can easily become entranced and bewitched by the past, overwhelmed with a pining and longing for the past, that we fail to live presently. We cease looking forwards but instead only can attempt to clutch tight to a ghost, a mere specter, of what was but will never be again.
"Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose." -Lyndon B. Johnson
By living in the past, by trying to reclaim a moment gone, we end up struggling and maybe even try going back to something that doesn't fit us anymore--a fact we may readily recognize. For example, we may miss the community we had in our old spiritual tradition, the recognition that an answer could easily be found within a holy text, or even miss the trusted guidance of a spiritual teacher we trusted. This can be especially true when we either venture onto a new spiritual path or a solitary one. We miss the familiar. We know what to expect and trust in that. It's hard to have faith and trust the unknown though this can be where the magick happens. This is one of the reasons I do believe online spiritual communities are so vital as it helps us understand we aren't alone and others are sharing like experiences. We aren't crazy!
Even those of us seasoned on our paths may find this trap too tempting, as I have recently done myself. Just through sheer human stubbornness, we want to shake our fists at the sky, blaming our disconnection to our current path on everyone but ourselves. We fail to recognize that we did it to ourselves. This is our mess and the only way to rise above it all is to trust ourselves. The only person who holds that power is us. Only we have work towards releasing the past so we can take that nervous step forward.
This can be hard. However, we have to recognize that there was a reason we left that behind. There's a reason we turned away. Something about the path didn't click with us, didn't resonate, while something about the new spoke to us. Many of us feel like we have been called home. We can feel the Old Ways stirring within our very bones and know that we are infinitely more important than what other religions make us feel. That connection to the Divine is so profound and strong, leaving us without a shadow of a doubt we have found our spiritual paths, and yet we still can be lured away. Why? What does the past hold that we crave and long for? This is always the first and most important beginning step as we have to understand exactly what we're seemingly missing from our lives. For example, if it's having that sense of community, there are always plenty of alternatives (if there isn't a local coven nearby accepting newcomers). Once we discern the underlying issue, we can then work to fix it within our new path. The struggle will lessen and we will feel more confident within our paths.
While we need to access the situation, we mustn't dwell in it. We need to figure out what's missing that we may need, like the aforementioned sense of community (this was my issue!), so we can work to fix it. We must comprehend that the past served a purpose--for me, it was my stepping stone into religion and spirituality--but it served it's purpose. It isn't meant to be our paths now. That doesn't mean we can't look back warmly on the memories but we have to release what no longer serves us, especially if we wish to grow and progress. Otherwise, we will cease all movement together and that serves no good, right?
This struggle can actually help us though reaffirm our paths as we turn back. We rediscover what drew us in the first place, something we may have forgotten over the years. What drew you to your path? What beliefs really align with yours? How did you feel during those beginning days? Through this disconnection and struggle, we may actually find something we have long forgotten--even if it's just simple belief in ourselves and our magick.
"In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself." -Deepak Chopra
I don't believe the Gods test us. Instead, I believe we sometimes test ourselves. When shit hits the fan, when faced with challenges, do you implement the lessons you have learned and step forward, confident and accepting of yourself OR do you turn back to old habits and beliefs?
I'm not trying to get you to pass any sense of judgement against yourselves but this is a very legitimate question. As I said before, old religious paths may afford us a level of comfort and security not necessarily found now but I believe that's due to its familiarity. That and quite honestly people can be afraid of how powerful they truly are. As Marianne Williamson says, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."
Some may be a question of self-responsibility but I do understand sometimes it's because we feel helpless, hopeless, etc. Instead of turning back, consciously ask yourself what tools have you learned that would help you BETTER handle this? What can you do magickally?
This is a great time to reflect on yourself. To really grow aware of who you are, what you believe, what you want, and what no longer serves you. It can be an indicator of what lessons you have learned and which you are still processing. It may remind you of something lacking that you weren't aware of beforehand. Either way, instead of groaning and shouting in anger, pause. Use it as a point of reflection and introspection. Use it as a journaling prompt.
There's a reason you left it behind and while there are times where it's because we weren't ready at that time, more often than not, it's because it wasn't meant to be ours. There's no use crying over it. Welcome the nostalgia but don't dwell. Don't become captured by it. Surrender and Release. Let it go. Do what you must to correct or help your current path then live in the present and work towards the future. The past is meant to serve as a reminder instead of a ghost we long to hold onto.
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