Before I begin, as I know the title may have some people making assumptions:
1) No, I am not converting to Christianity.
2) No, I'm not about to Bible-Thump.
3) I'm still a happy and proud Pagan Witch.
4) There is no preaching in this post.
This is merely about my aha! moment that stemmed from receiving a Bible verse repeatedly from Spirit.
(Also, stay until the end for some awesome free printables!)
For many of us, June was riddled with emotional pain on both a collective and individual level that made it unequivocally overwhelming, stressful, and painful. Issues we'd kept tucked away for years, that have been festering and growing, finally came to a head and needed to be resolved or at least worked on. For me, these manifested as severe anxiety.
As someone who already suffers from bad anxiety, this was so much worse as I ended up having more panic attacks in the span of two weeks than I'd had in the past three years. There was a constant deep ache in my chest and my mind remained in a seemingly perpetual fog. I was agitated about everything, hesitant to speak with others (even online), and found myself incapable of forming a comprehensive sentence for both my blog and my book. I simply felt hopelessly lost and even defeated.
As a result of this, I limited my time on social media, hoping it would alleviate some of my internal turmoil. I allowed myself to just be without worrying about that growing task list. If I felt up to it, I'd work on ticking things off but there was no pressure. I gave myself permission to listen to my body and follow what it needed versus what others told me to do. So, if I could afford a nap and that was what my body said it needed, I would nap--something I don't usually do during the day because I feel like I'm wasting time. I would turn off the tv and listen to music. I would turn the music off and actually watch tv. Just whatever I felt like doing at the time.
Despite all of that, nothing seemed to ease it. I know I have a horrible habit of living too much in my head which does increase my levels of anxiety but there seemed to be so much more to it. I figured that perhaps it might have dealt with the retrogrades--as we had plenty of them!--but even if there was a lesson to be learned in all of this chaos, it escaped me. I literally felt like I was just living out the day--just scraping by and it was one of the worst times I've had in a very long time...
Then sometime halfway through the month I found myself mindlessly bumbling around on Youtube as there wasn't anything that I really wanted to watch. I'd bounce from videos on witchcraft to makeup to crafting to just music. Whatever piqued my interest enough for me to click on. However, within twenty or so minutes, I began coming across back-to-back videos of different people who would have the exact same quote somewhere in the video--a plaque on the desk, a picture on the wall, etc.. Regardless of how, it was always there and every time I saw it, my heart would resonate while my mind cringed. Why? Because it was a Bible verse which interestingly enough, I've never had issues with before. (More on that later...)
However, as I felt that sudden knot in my gut, I realized not to take it for face value. Meaning: Don't take it for what it means. Dig deeper. I still needed to hear the message as that was how it was coming to me but I needed to also delve deeper. If that makes sense. What was this quote?
"Let all you do be done in Love." -1 Corinthians 16:14
This quote, while uplifting, inspiring, and beautiful, created such a strong response in me that my initial reaction was to click off YouTube and ignore it. Spirit wouldn't let me get off that easy though. Instead the quote remained etched in my mind and would play like it was on repeat. As soon as I'd get quiet enough to hear it, there it was. "Let all you do be done in Love.". I even began growing angered as I've never had any issues with Christianity or the Abrahamic Faiths so why was I having such a strong response? Why was it bothering me?
I'll answer that in a moment but first let me talk about the surface meaning, if you will, it had for me which was simple: When was the last time you did something from your heart? Spoke from the heart? Acted from a place of love, compassion, and grace? I'd gotten so swept up in my mind, in the anxiety, that I'd never once given thought to dropping into my heart space and tuning in. The heart, at least in my belief, is where our spirit resides. Its where we can connect with our spirit so I'd become so disconnected from my truest self which naturally meant I was feeling so out of wack! Not to mention, if I can't feel my own spirit, how then can I hope to connect with Spirit around me?
As I finally allowed myself to drop in, I had themes like gratitude, graciousness, grace, love, compassion, empathy, and mindfulness come up. Where was I giving them to others and myself? Where was I lacking? I came to realize just how closed off I'd become over the past recent years though I'd convinced myself otherwise. That's when this Bible verse became a bridge I needed to witness and cross in order to deal with my emotional discord for what it was. Upon realizing this, I got silent and asked my Guides to help me unload this--to understand it clearer. What was I being led towards? What did I need to do?
Detox.
Yes, I needed a physical detox but what about this Verse?
Detox....
Emotional Detox...
I understood that I'd put such a tight lid on all the hurtful things of the past and now I needed to return to my heart so I could work towards clearing away the energetic gunk in order to live again with an open heart as that is my truest self.
My jaw almost dropped because I had found myself feeling more closed off over the past couple of years emotionally but had assumed it just happened as we grew older. We naturally take the experiences we'd had and use them to recalibrate how we live. It just was what we did but my Guides told me that it didn't have to be that way. That there is no foolery involved in living your life in alignment with your heart.
I also was shown that while I've done multiple releasings and clearings over the past several years, they'd never reached the emotional realm as I'd not given myself permission to feel the pain, hurt, betrayal, etc.. I had stayed in my head, reasoning my way out of it all, and as I thought back to how I would mentally work towards convincing myself something as over, I could feel the truth in that declaration. If you have to reason with yourself, if you have to argue with yourself, then clearly you aren't ready to let it go. I could know within the furthest reaches of my mind that something is no longer meant to be but unless I get my heart in alignment, it won't be released. Subconsciously I hadn't been ready to let go as that meant finality and what if that person came back into my life? What if that situation presented itself again? You can't let go if you are still praying, even if subconsciously, that it will return to you.
You have to clear the energy away that was left from whatever it was that ended. Your mind and heart must be in alignment. You must be prepared and ready to let go. Even for the sake of nostalgia, we keep things close instead of letting them go. I had so many relationships and what should've been major milestones wrecking havoc on my life simply because I was refusing to do the work--the true work.
I used to be someone who lived by her heart and now I was so disconnected that I hadn't even realized how convoluted everything had become. As I actually gave myself permission to drop into my heart, I started to feel a weird and heavy ickiness that clung to me like a scratchy woolen shawl. As I moved further in, I realized there were some truly nastay energetic cords that continued tethering me to the past. Ew!
If it weren't for that Bible verse, I never would've recognized just how out of wack I truly had become as I reasoned with everything. Whenever anything would come up in my life that even remotely resembled something I hadn't released, I'd choose to believe that it was merely a way of testing my resolve, placing me right back in that mental loop, completely unaware that it was meant to be owned. When we own it, we can work with and release it.
This started an entire new journey for me as there is no way this could ever be a quick and simple reset. Frankly, it's something I'll be working on for quite some time but only through facing it, through naming it, feeling it (that's the important part), accepting it and letting it flow will I be able to fully clear it. Tears, anger, laughter have been my companions as I spend time journaling, writing letters I'll never send, and simply breathing through it all. Cord cutting will be my next step but only when I reach the point of being ready. As it's not a topic I know a lot about, I won't write about it right now.
I think the reason Spirit had me come across a scripture instead of something else was because 1) it was pretty straight-forward and not something I could reason out of (though I sure did try!) but also because 2) it led me to some pain I didn't even know I carried. Not about Christianity itself but a person who'd been near and dear to my heart who was a very devout Christian and liked to condemn with words that should've been to love. After all, Christianity is supposed to be the religion of love, no? Once I could clearly identify that pain, I could begin unraveling everything else and witness how things aren't always as they seem. Sometimes they are much deeper. Sometimes they represent other things.
This is kind of where I've been and why I haven't been active though I think 2020 has definitely given people plenty of reason on its own to postpone projects. I am working towards getting back on the horse and blogging more. I do want to record a podcast about this with some more detail later so keep an ear out next week.
Align with your heart and tune in with your spirit.
"Let all that you do be done in Love." -1 Corinthians 16:14
Because this scripture quote struck such a chord with me, I created a few free printables that you can find below. Enjoy!
(Just click the one you want or download all three!)
*I am not a licensed professional and nothing I saw should be taken as medical advice. If you suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, etc. please seek out professional opinions and advice.*
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