As readers, healers, witches, and just in general, people, we want to help others regardless of our methods. Our channels, if you will. Some of us perform Reiki, others heal through crystals or herbs while some of us prefer divination. I have found Tarot to be very insightful, especially when it comes to issues that we ourselves aren't even aware of. Sometimes we know of our shortcomings but just want to sweep them under the rug for now. We turn a blind eye. The cards don't necessarily allow that luxury.
When I first began reading Tarot, I LOVED it! It came naturally and was something that had interested me since I was little. For me, it was something all witches do--a silly notion of a child as I know plenty of witches who don't and that's okay. We all have our own thing. Anyways, when I first started, I wasn't doing it to help others. I was reading because I enjoyed it and I thought it was cool.
I did mostly spreads for the future with a very rare "what is going on here" reading. When I went to college, one of my friends came barging in my dorm room (something I never minded which is why most of the time I kept my door wide open) and noticed I was doing a Tarot reading for myself. I can't even remember what the question was now but I can recall his reading as if it were yesterday. See he didn't believe in anything like that. Nothing spiritual so even ghosts (something I had quite numerous experiences with on campus) were out of the question. So, he asked me to tell him about his sister--I didn't even know he had a sister. Not realizing at first he was just playing "test the psychic", I readily accepted the reading and told him about his sister.
He kept a smirk the entire time--he really ought to play poker--that I began questioning myself. I even kept asking if he even had a sister to which he would reply yes. That was all I would get. After the reading, he looked at me and confessed everything I had said was true, much to my relief. However, sitting there and continuously only having a smirk to decide if it was confirmation or if I was way off base wasn't fun. Especially considering I was still a beginner. With hindsight now, I would've told him that wasn't a reasonable request. Why? Because I don't need to prove myself to anyone like that. If he doesn't believe then don't get the reading. It wasn't like I was charging anyways.
"Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do." -Rachel Wolchin
I read all the time for family and close friends without ever charging or setting boundaries. My friends who were either spiritual or witches themselves seemed to have an innate understanding of what was permissible to ask and what wasn't. They came to me for legitimate answers and insight--something I enjoyed doing without realizing that I was making a difference in their life. I was the one they were coming to for help and advice. That's beautiful.
Eventually, I began to hate reading the cards. Why? A family member would constantly come for a reading with only one question: What's going to happen this month. I never said anything as she was being supportive of me--quite a stark difference from my childhood where that stuff wasn't allowed at all! However, I ended up getting both burnt out and just annoyed. This wasn't what I wanted to do. So, I stopped. I would never bring them out and when I did, I felt angry and disgusted. It took me YEARS to get back into my love and passion for reading.
"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others."--Brene Brown
I had to become firm in what sort of readings I would give and what was to be expected. Even so, it came to the point where I felt those boundaries were starting to break down and I ended up giving in to things I had said no to. i do have a problem being a people-pleaser and genuinely want to help others in any manner that I possibly can. So, when the same family member came back to me for a reading, desperate for an answer as she desired to make a major life change for the better, I pulled the cards out and did her reading. When I tactfully had to tell her that what she wanted was only going to end in disappointment and that she could instead follow a different path, she began pointing out why what she wanted wouldn't happen which resulted in throwing other people underneath the bus.
I understood she was probably disappointed but I told her firmly that whatever the reason was, it didn't matter to me. This wasn't my reading and that I was only giving her what the cards said. She repeated with a smug look that it wasn't going to happen because of so-and-so or this-and-that. I had to be firm again so she stood up and left. She left peeved and I was left cross. That was a very clear boundary of mine that was crossed and I should've packed up the cards and told her flatly if she didn't want the answer then don't ask for a reading. She wanted an answer, only if it was the one she was aiming for and didn't want to accept it when it denied her wish. Instead of taking responsibility that this wasn't for her, she began throwing others under the bus. I ain't down for that either.
Now, I have a very clear outline of my boundaries and what to expect at readings typed up and ready to be shown before any and every reading I do. The reason for boundaries is that they give a clear indication of what to expect and what will happen if they are crossed. Energy transfers during these sort of sessions and I'm responsible for the energy I bring. I need others to be mindful of their energy too. Their energy and their behavior. I don't want someone "testing" me because I'm not an experiment. I don't want gossip spread or others' dirty laundry thrown up during a reading. That isn't any of my business. That's one reason I don't look into other's businesses during readings. If Jane doesn't understand why John is acting this way and could I see what he's doing or going on--"Not my division" *insert Lestrade's voice from BBC Sherlock here.
"Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal, and necessary."--Doreen Virtue
Since I have clearly outlined and labeled my boundaries and conditions for readings, what is to be expected, and what I won't do, I have the power to confidently call out any crossings and handle them appropriately--which might mean no more readings for a family member or just shutting down a reading. It gives me the ability to stand firm in my abilities and my energy. It gives me the confidence to decline bullshit.
Brightest of Blessings,
The Autumn Witch
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