How should we respond whenever something comes that we thought we'd already released? That we know isn't meant for us and yet, despite that, it's returned--perhaps even stronger than before? Would the best option be to ignore it, shoving it to the side as you've done on multiple occasions or should you allow yourself to indulge in the feeling of whatever it is? I don't mean follow through with it but mentally allow yourself to feel and imagine whatever it is. Watch it run its course within your mind. Then...get ready to do some major releasing...
I know that definitely seems way over simplified and it is. How so? Because as I've had to learn, releasing something, especially something that holds great sway over your heart, is a process and simply does not happen overnight. Instead it can take weeks, months, even years, depending on how strong the connection was and whether you've committed to doing the work necessary or not. Living in a society that values and emphasizes instant gratification, I know from personal experience how easy it is 1) lose hope whenever it doesn't happen immediately, 2) begin slacking on my personal work when I see I'm not producing immediate results, and 3) have a tendency to believe it's obviously a sign of being on the wrong path and that you ought to follow whatever it is that is returning.
Okay, so point three didn't necessarily pertain to the gratification point but it is something that I think many people struggle with which may stem from a lack of confidence in oneself. There must be at least a seed of doubt already planted deep within our psyche otherwise would we truly be capable of being swayed? Of even entertaining the idea? This doesn't mean you should blame yourself but instead utilize this opportunity as a time of self-learning and growth. Use it to dive deeper into who you are, what you believe in, and what you value. You may find that what fed you during the previous time, so in whatever you want to release, may not longer hold any nourishment or substance.
I had that brilliant flash of insight earlier this morning when I was listing everything I might want to keep from what was coming up. I allowed myself to indulge in it, was acting as if I would (by journaling) without acting on it. I knew within my heart that it wasn't mine any longer as it had long since served its purpose which is why I did the listing idea instead. I could only manage three or four bullet points before realizing I'd run out of things. As I stared at the list, I felt empty. What seemed to spark joy and excitement within my head and heart was no as cold as ice. It seemed distant, almost as if I were looking at a photograph of a time that had long since past that nobody could ever return to. Almost like a closed portal. It was the most profound shift I think I've ever experienced.
I still have some work to do in releasing it, as it is a process, but I can finally let go as it doesn't have that hold over me any longer. There is no sway to its words or images. It cannot provoke anything within me except a deep and profound sense of gratitude for helping me in when I had needed it. For me, and this certainly may not always be the case, it's about being able to come from a place of love and distance instead of judgement and pain.
I think when we come from those places of judgement, it's harder to let go of, regardless of how desperately we may want to, because we're still attached. We're still clutching to some aspect of it otherwise we wouldn't feel that anger, hurt, betrayal, etc.. I suppose that's why people say the only true way to begin healing over a wrong someone has done to you is by forgiveness. But the beauty is it doesn't have to be forgiveness for them and depending on the situation, shouldn't be, but it's more about forgiving yourself. Through that self-forgiveness you can rise up past the chaos and clutches of whatever it is and work towards releasing it.
Simply because it keeps returning doesn't mean you're doing it wrong, unless you aren't doing any work at all, nor does it signify being on the wrong path. Think of it as a chance for self-discovery, for a way to dig deeper into both yourself and whatever it is. Instead of coming from a place of judgement and pain, come at it with a sense of curiosity and interest. Feel into the feelings it evokes, allow yourself to mentally indulge for a bit, then rise out of the turmoil and heartache--if you can. Depending on the situation, that may be somewhat difficult to do. You could do a list like mine, a pros vs cons, etc.. and just keep digging. The important thing is not to give into the doubt, the shame, the embarrassment, the anger, etc..
Releasing, as with healing, is a process, a journey that has the ability to teach us a wide array of new things about ourselves and our stories, the histories we tell ourselves, if we allow it. We get to choose how we're going to respond to this. Sometimes the best way to respond is by initially embracing it.
Brightest of Blessings, My Friends.
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