We’re taught that helping others should be something we do regularly, and I’m definitely not saying we shouldn’t, but instead that we must keep in mind that there are times when we just simply cannot without making sacrifices. A sacrifice every once in a while, like giving up going to see that play you really wanted, might not seem like too big of a deal at the time but what happens when we allow ourselves to do this? We become so absorbed in what we’re missing that we aren’t fully present in what we’re doing in the present moment. We may even become resentful later of the fact, when we were the ones who agreed. More importantly than any of that, we are teaching ourselves that we are an afterthought. Others are far more important. If you ask me, that’s not very fair at all, now is it?
It’s vital we remember that while helping others is an important and sacred task, we cannot sacrifice our own happiness, health, and vitality for it. There has to be a limit and this is where boundaries come into place. Boundaries and the ability to speak up and for ourselves. As a recovering people-pleaser, I totally understand how difficult this can be because I used to feel like I should just do it so they aren’t disappointed. However, when we consider the alternative, is it not better to have a few disappointed people versus being completely disheartened and upset?
When we begin uncovering these tendencies within ourselves, we are capable of then understanding what areas of our lives could use more tending to. In America, in particular, most of us sacrifice ourselves for our careers. We want to earn that promotion eventually, be taken as a professional, and generally just well-liked by our bosses, that we allow ourselves to work long hours, refusing to take vacations, and even volunteering for extra shifts, regardless of already having full plates. We sacrifice our health, our mental sanity, our relationships with our friends and family, so our work ethic will be recognized and we’ll have a higher value within the job.
This is absolute nonsense because its not something we can sustain long-term. Eventually we will burn-out and when we do, it won’t be spectacular…well perhaps but not in a positive way. It’s also absurd since we don’t need to prove our value to anyone. Each one of us already has value simply because we are people and if someone can’t recognize that, perhaps we need to examine why and whether we truly are meant for that position or relationship.
This can even hit closer to home when we begin sacrificing stuff we want to do to help our families. I know, many scoffed upon reading that but hear me out. If we continuously only do for our families and never allow ourselves to go do something that we want to do, we’re going to end up exhausted. Wanting to do something without them, that brings us joy, isn’t selfish or makes us bad parents/children/siblings/etc.. It’s actually an important part of self-care. We cannot keep pouring from an empty cup. This doesn’t mean we can always drop everything to indulge ourselves but it does mean we have to make ourselves a priority as well. We have to allow our spirits to recharge otherwise we will end up irritable, exhausted, frustrated, and just weary.
That’s what most of this boils down to—allowing ourselves to likewise become a priority instead of an afterthought. There will only naturally be people who chastise us for it which is troubling, if we think about it. Why is recognizing and honoring our own value and worth such an issue? Life is short and every moment is a gift since any could be our last so why not?! Why not take time for ourselves? Why not indulge and do something that sparks a sense of joy and excitement? We are children of the Divine, whatever that means to you, so do you truly believe we are meant to live our lives solely for others? Why not live our lives for ourselves?
Let us take time this week and plan something we want to do. I mean really want to do. Maybe its a trip to the beach that keeps getting put off. It could be just a simple stroll through a favorite park. An exotic dinner. A movie in theaters that we’ve heard rave reviews about. Whatever it is, make it an intention that we will do this for ourselves and make it a priority. If someone asks us to do something when we scheduled our treat, tell them that we already have plans. While doing whatever it is was that we planned, we must allow ourselves to remain present. We deserve this.
Just a couple of side-notes:
Firstly, if an emergency crops up, things will be different and if that happens, it’s important not to berate ourselves but instead just reschedule our plans. After all, life happens.
Secondly, we do not have to do these activities alone but can make them a family outing, a date, whatever, so long as we allow ourselves to do something that we want to do.
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